


Repentance (Absolution)

by PetrichorPerfume



Series: Rainbow Marbles [46]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Absolution, Demon Dean Winchester, M/M, Mistakes, POV Alternating, Religious Themes, Repentance, Symbolic Baptism, flaws, sin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-05
Updated: 2014-07-05
Packaged: 2018-02-07 14:28:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1902477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetrichorPerfume/pseuds/PetrichorPerfume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is no lesson to be learned from this. Sam and Cas learn anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Repentance (Absolution)

**Author's Note:**

> The same scene from two different perspectives.

It’s written all over his face in a rainbow of running colors and in big bold capital letters – “I’M NO ANGEL” and “HUMAN” and “FALLEN” scrawled over the curve of his cheek, the jut of his chin, the bridge of his nose. Dean is playing a song on repeat to remind him of what he doesn’t have, but it’s not quite working.

 

What _is_ working is Sam. Sam is sitting cross-legged in front of him, staring at him, reading the words written across his body over and over again and judging him. He can feel the way Sam’s eyes trace the words across his skin, remembering what he used to be and realizing that there isn’t enough left to be worth loving.

 

Sam’s skin is a canvas, too, “slut” and “whore” and “bitch” painted across his chest in all lower case letters. Cas knows they’re not true, but he reads them over and over and over because it’s easier than looking into Sam’s eyes and seeing the hatred he knows he’ll find there.

 

He tries closing his eyes, but he can feel Sam’s judgment soaking through his skin no matter how hard he tries to picture himself elsewhere. The last time he felt this way was the last time he saw Michael.

 

He squirms under Sam’s gaze. He knows that the other man can see right through him, knows that Sam can see every one of his flaws and weaknesses and mistakes. They’re written on his soul, plain and simple, and now they’re on the surface for all to see.

 

The weight of Sam’s judgment hangs heavy between them, and he forces himself to open his eyes. Sam eyes are closed and he’s crying. Cas knows it’s because of him, knows that Sam hates him so much he can’t stand the sight of him, knows that Sam looked into him and despised what he saw.

 

He feels like he’s drowning in a sea of his sins, but there’s nothing he can do about it. He can’t speak, he can’t _breathe._ Everything is hazy and out of focus and all he can think about is how no one will ever love him again.

 

Then the faucet turns on and a sheet of freezing water descends upon them, sending the sin on their skin back to their souls, and Cas realizes the lesson Dean wants them to learn. The demon made them who they are and can unmake them at any time, shaped them into what they are and can reshape them however he wants, created them anew from the ashes of who they once were. Everything they are, or are not, is because Dean wills it to be so. Without Dean, they would be nothing.

 

They’ll worship Dean later, but for now, they repent.

 

 

***

 

Sam tries to focus on Castiel instead of Dean. The former angel is in a world of his own, crying silently and looking anywhere but Sam’s face. He’s rocking back and forth ever so slightly, and Sam can tell that whatever Dean’s doing to him, it’s working. Cas is slowly cracking, and there’s nothing he can do to comfort him.

 

The distraction doesn’t work for long, though. Every time he manages to lose himself in the sprawl of the words across his face, Dean gets louder and louder and louder until his voice seems like the only thing in the world.

 

Dean keeps repeating the same word over and over – unlovable.

 

He knows it’s just a game, that the demon is just entertaining himself with new and interesting methods of making them break, but that doesn’t stop it from hurting. He knows that Dean will hug him later, or maybe tomorrow, and tell him that he’s loved, and that he’ll believe it because he has no choice, but that’s a small consolation when Dean is shouting at him that no one ever loved him and no one ever will.

 

He closes his eyes and gives into the urge to cry. There’s no need to hide his weakness. Cas cries whenever he wants and no one ever says anything. Why can’t he cry too?

 

The air feels heavy and oppressive and every breath he takes hurts his chest and burns his lungs.

 

Then the faucet turns on and a shower of freezing water rains down upon them, washing the words from their skin and the sin from their souls, and Sam realizes the lesson Dean wants them to learn. The demon has the power to provide and the power to take away, the ability to condemn and the ability to forgive, the means with which to hurt them and the means with which to comfort them. Everything they have, or do not have, is because Dean wills it to be so. Without Dean, they would be nothing.

 

They’ll worship Dean later, but for now, they’re absolved.


End file.
